Thursday 30 December 2010

And Now, The Weather


Less than a week before we arrived in Colombia, we learnt about the floods. Although our holiday was neatly slotted into what usually constitutes the dry season, Colombia was petulantly in the midst of its worst flooding for 50 years, with rains predicted to last into late January. There was even a map of the floods in the Guardian. It was clearly a real problem for us. Probably even more so for the 2 million now homeless. Probably.

After a few abortive attempts to abort our plans, we stuck with the flights and packed what turned out to be an unreasonably small umbrella.

In Bogota, a man in the hostel told us not to leave the city. Bus journeys had ground to a halt for hours or days. There were mudslides. In Bogota, though, it wasn´t so bad. The rains came at precicely 2pm, and usually stopped by the time I´d finished a large and cheesy hot chocolate.

We arrived into Villa de Leyva, a colonial village North of the capital (which incidentally receives the highest 3 Hancocks rating), in blinding, sweaty sunshine. Above the village sit ominous mountains, and we decided to climb one wearing Converse and packing only our unreasonable umbrella. At 2pm, the rain came again, spitting. We carried on, expecting it to stop. But as we trudged up the hill, it got heavier, and heavier. Soon we were running back down, but not fast enough, as by the time we dragged our drenched sneakers back to Villa de Leyva, the previously picturesque streets had turned into gushing torrents. It became impossible to even cross the road.

The next day it was really nice again, and completely dry.

And actually, the rain hasn´t been so bad since. Hasn´t rained for days. Today we spent virtually every daylight hour drinking cocktails in the beating sun on a Caribbean beach. Visit Sunny Colombia.


Before the storm



the storm thickens, I take custardy of our unreasonable umbrella



the view from the hotel we had no choice but take shelter in


Visit Sunny Colombia / my new hat

Saturday 25 December 2010

a word or two on the delightful gastronomic delights thus far...

desserts dryer than the Guajira desert


Tim is renowned for the adage 'most things are better with cheese'. Colombia is really putting the gimmick kid to the test on this one. cheesy hot chocolate is just the tip of a milky iceberg... colombians like to grate cheese onto the top of elaborate and luminescent ice cream sundaes, cheese melts merrily on a tortilla with dulce de leche, glistens temptingly atop a bowl of jelly, and has even made appearances in milkshakes and fruit salads. the cheese itself, white, rubbery and always identical, has a pungent farmyard aroma, and seemingly very little taste until the powerful putrid cow flavour comes through. it works wonderfully with chocolate.

we are currently in a small white colonial town called Popayan, a simple 45 minute flight from Bogota in a jet propelled light aircraft, once you've made it through an epic 24 hour stint in the airport of course. a series of cancelled and delayed flights did at least allow us ample opportunity to sample the airport's culinary offerings; rum & raisin milkshakes for breakfast, cardboardy vegetarian empanadas* containing a dry grey paste, and what was, almost certainly, meat, short strong cups of black coffee, tropical cherry flavour tic tacs***, more coffee, dunkin' doughnuts 'cheese sandwhiches'*** and water that tastes alarmingly strongly of plastic**.

thankfully Popayan is described in the Lonely Planet guide as 'famous for it's food' - these last three words, circled emphatically in our edition on an enthusiastic pre-trip read. we've feasted on giant platters of grilled meats accompanied by banana, and the ubiquitous, but not ubiquitous tasting onion-tomato-chili-coriander salsa.

we've been treated to an evening of typical christmas eve snacks: balls of sugar coated peanuts, hollowed half coconut shells of semi-solid sugary ariquipe, sugar soaked fruits that look, and taste, peculiarly like gherkins, tooth achingly sweet 'pudding' which no one could give a name to, sugared grated coconut balls, sugar coated biscuits and cheese, with olives.

on the whole, we have in fact eaten incredibly well, but under Tim's expectant proof-reading gaze, i feel compelled to up the 'entertainment' value of my post, so i'll elaborate on a few more of the less appealing snacks. tim and i may actually disagree, given that a selection of his CHOICE of breakfasts are featured below.

the least appetising thing we've been offered for breakfast (outside of an aircraft) is milky egg soup. i opted for a tamal instead, a giant steamed mass of banana leaves containing, amongst other things, half a chicken leg, gelatinous pork cubes, and a lot of ground corn.

one thing we certainly agree on is that flamboyantly camp cocktails are the order of most days. even better if you can physically resemble your drink.

buen probecho


meat me in Popayan


breakfast # 1: salchipapa ****


breakfast # 2: desayuno de carne


piña colada in Colombia's Blackpool


cocoloco with Tim


tamal



key to key ingredients

* not recommended
** cannot be recommended, but most probably safer than the tap
*** profoundly unrecommendable
**** miraculous if you live to be able to recommend or otherwise
breakfast #1: as featured, served with strawbery malt milkshake
breakfast # 2: meat of unconfirmed origin, sauce, equally unidentifiable, other than the entirely recognisable onion contingent. served with arepa of ground corn, orange juice and hot chocolate, of course.

Friday 24 December 2010

No. 1: Bogota



The most terrifying thing about Bogota isn't the freak weather, nor the incredibly sinister men who sidle up to you after dark, and not even its disasterous meaty breakfasts. We instead assign this prize to its pot holes - yawning, sometimes bottomless chasms waiting to swallow you up as you mistakenly spend time worrying about the weather, or the sinister men, or your forthcoming gastric disaster.

This situation didn
't stop us taking a bike tour around the city. For the most part, our guide Juan avoided Bogota's over 300km of bike lanes to lead us into 5 lane traffic. His rule was 'I go, you go' which worked well except for the times it didn't.

Although mad, Juan was also brilliant - blagging us into a coffee factory, showing us Bogota's many whores, and promising to take us out to play a game which involves gunpowder, lead weights and beer. There are over 8 million people here and almost all of them are amazing. (Absolutely all of them are better than us at salsa, but we're working on changing that.) People are desperate to talk to you mostly because they're very friendly and not because they want your money, possessions, or body. Taxi drivers demonstrate a widespread knowledge of English history (esp. regarding Nelson, Horatio and Wellington, Duke), salsa teachers invite us to drum and bass clubs, children laugh at Tim's hair.
We've been attempting to enjoy local specialities and customs, such as dipping cheese into our hot chocolate, enjoying plantains treated with blue food colouring, eating burger and chips with the plastic gloves bafflingly provided, and eating so much meat that stray dogs think we're made of pork.
Tim has only fallen into a pot hole once.

meat

meat
Not meat

biking Bogota

A Floody Great Christmas

Welcome to Locombia; a rough rendering of Hancavanagh's trip to Colombia.

Each post contains one lie, and if you guess the lies, you might just win a magnificent prize.

(By which we mean - the person who emails with the most correct lies at the end of our trip receives a superlative Colombian present worth well over 100 pounds)